Has BMW Sports Car Design Lost Its Mind?:

Or have BMW Sports Cars always been ugly delicious?

2023 BMW M4 Photo from Edmunds

Picture this. I'm driving down the road with my wife in my vintage B5 chassis Audi S4 and I see a black 2022 BMW M4 in my rear view mirror, and I mutter the words... "You know? The new M4 is kinda growing on me." Let me tell you this. The look on my wife's face left me feeling judged and ashamed. And even within myself..I had to question, "who am I... and what has become of my life?"

I felt like I'd betrayed past me who had mentally berated BMW and publicly questioned their design ethos when I first saw the huge Angry Birds pig style nostrils overwhelming the front fascia.

But here I was saying that I was beginning to like it. I'm not sure I slept well that night.

Let's fast forward to today and why I'm writing this article.

I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw a reel featuring a BMW Z3 coupe slowly driving through what looked like winding California roads. The driver was happily rowing through the gears and I found myself thinking geez, I would love to have one of those.

So I broke out the ole smart phone and started doing some faux car shopping. It's a hobby of mine when I've got nothing better to do. I look through Autotrader or cars.com or Craigslist at cars that I probably could reasonably afford to add to the ole stable. Admittedly a fourth car would be rather financially upsetting, but the bigger issue is the one of my wife killing me... until I died from it. To be fair, she's already put up with me purchasing three quirky enthusiast cars and that's not counting the ones that have come and gone in the lead up to this current mod squad of petrol powered pals. But I digress. As I was looking at all 3 of the Z3 coupes available on Autotrader in the US (not even the M variant, sheesh), I noticed something. The BMW Z3M coupe is... well, it's just ugly. And that got me thinking. Has BMW ever made a beautiful iconic sports car? Desirable, yes! Beautiful? I'll let you decide.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane and compare the top 3 most iconic BMW sport cars to their contemporaries and see how they stack up from a purely aesthetic perspective. Here's a warning... it's not gonna be pretty. Let's start with the Z3 M Coupe since we're already on the subject.

1) BMW Z3/Z3M Coupe

BMW Z3M Coupe Photo from Classic Trader

So ugly was the Z3M Coupe, that it was affectionately called the "clown shoe". I don't know about you, but there is no universe where I can see can going for a night out, affectionately telling a woman she resembles a clown shoe and realistically expect to win her favors. The rear portion of the canopy of the Z3M was a bit large with a sudden drop off. No doubt the design was meant to retain as much practicality as possible in such a small space. But the result was something that resembled a station wagon that had been hacked off about 3 or 4 feet too soon. What's remarkable though is even with the awkward proportions, BMW absolutely nailed the rear 3/4 view. It might be technically ugly ... but I want one quite badly. Let's take a look at what other car makers were doing for 2 and 2+ seat coupes in the early 2000s. While the 996 and the 350Z follow a more conventional long hood, sweeping deck lid design for a relatively easy aesthetic home run, the Alfa Romeo GTV decided to go it alone with its eccentric folds rising rearward body line. Which is the most memorable to you?

2) 1966 BMW 2002 Turbs (Okay... turbo. I just like saying turbs)

I sometimes wonder if I were an alien and I was sent to Earth in the late 60s to observe human technology and I saw a BMW 2002 Turbo if I would cringe and go find something else to report home on. But it turns out I'm an Earthling (no matter what anyone else says) and I have a history via car enthusiasm and motorsports that informs my opinion. And my opinion is this is an amazing car and I want one. These cars are like the VW Beetle to me, but the one that lifts weights and gets tattoos. I used to see these on the streets of Seattle from time to time and all I could think was "how bad ass would it be to daily one of these?" But is it beautiful? I hate to admit it... but it isn't. It's got a stubby upturned nose, a high rise greenhouse and an awkwardly small trunk. It should be hideous. It IS hideous. But it is oh so cool. This car was made at a time when the Lamborghini Miura and the Jaguar E Type still graced showroom floors. Let's see what other sedan shaped sports coupes were popular in the mid to late 60s. The Mercedes Benz 230 SL and Ford Falcon Futura seemed to just be emerging from the sleepy, swooping designs of the late 50's. Sure they were two doors, but they looked as though they were meant to waft and float down the highway vs grab the pavement by the scruff of the neck. This is where the BMW 2002 Turbo prevailed. The Alfa Romeo Gulia excelled at this design aesthetic too. But it did so with a cohesive continuous body line whereas the BMW seemed to have a front, middle and rear section that were each designed by a different team. Somehow, when they glued those chunks together, it still came together to form a highly desirable vehicle. Did I mention I want one?

3) BMW M1

The BMW M1 came to life at a bit of an awkward adolescent time for the supercar. Lambo or as the French say, Lamborghini had retired the most beautiful car in the world (the Miura) and Ferrari was no longer making the elegant 365 GTB Daytona.

As it were... everyone was embracing the wedge. Spoiler alert, I'm going to compare the M1 to the Ferrari 308 and the Lamborghini Countach. These were 1978 icons. But let's talk first about the M1. BMW seemed to have wanted to embrace the supercar wedge, but still needed to keep certain aspects of the M1 standing upright. The nose stood vertically showing the trademark kidneys and the rear half seemed to be taller than it really needed to be. It also didn't seem to have enough vents and swooping personality for a mid engined supercar. It gave off an heir of being a stout beer drinking rugby player stuffed into a speed skater's spandex coveralls. I will say however, that the M1 really came together aesthetically in its M1 Procar form. The bodykit and rear wing seemed to both relax the car, give it visual purpose and aggression all at the same time. This is the version I tend to like to remember. As a matter of fact, the Procar guise transforms the M1 from a questionable classic to one of my all time favorite supercars. That said, if anyone has an M1 of any vintage or classification that they're looking to get rid of for free, I will give it a loving home. Ugly version or not.

So that leaves us with one final question. Is the new BMW M4 actually a highly sexy car and we just don't know it yet? Only time will tell, but I'm willing to bet that at some point, we'll be looking back at this car with very lustful eyes indeed.

Honorable Mentions

I will list these as: So ugly it's awesome, So ugly it's just ugly and So normal looking I can't believe it's a BMW sports car. You decide which is which.